I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
