Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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