obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize