You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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