Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
