i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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