i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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