We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
