Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
