she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I can't turn off my feet"
Send help, water and tortillas.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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