He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
