Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
