sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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