Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize