Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
