Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
