the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
