OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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