i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
