It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
