i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
