Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
