i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
