just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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