Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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