Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
