i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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