so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
