If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
