I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
