he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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