I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
