just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
