i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
