How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
