Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
50% drunk capacity currently
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need water and some morals
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
