im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
