so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
