Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
True strength comes from lack of pants
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
