I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
