Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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