it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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