Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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