Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
