apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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