im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
