Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Randomize
