i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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