just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
