It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
