"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
