I could make wine with my vomit
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
