just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
