There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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