if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
