I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
