I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
