is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
