So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
