SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i drank out of a bidet.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
