just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
