I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
