Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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